Are Only Children Spoiled Brats?

Many “Onlies” in the World

Today, in most Western countries, a little more than twenty percent of children are raised alone, without brothers or sisters. Statistics surely are a lot higher for China with its official program of one child only per married couple. Chinese parents aren't necessarily raising a whole generation of spoiled rotten brats, and neither are their Western counterparts. Research over the last couple of decades shows us that only children tend to be independent, creative, successful, and they cope well and possess strong skills necessary to deal with a constantly changing world. And that's a good thing, because they have to put up with a cultural bias against them that has been around for generations, if not centuries.

Singletons Have Their Burden

“Singletons” or only children, have their own special set of problems, aside from the cultural bias mentioned above. They sometimes find themselves in the position of being the one and only to care for aging parents. Certain advantages do exist by having brothers and sisters – it's not quite as lonely at times. With brothers and sisters they can share the blame for bad happenings. Parents can contribute to the onus of being an “only.” Sometimes parents focus on the singleness by saying they wanted another or wished they had a boy or a girl instead. Since they are the only child, there's only one report card, or one basketball game, or one SAT score, so the pressure can mount.

"Singletons" Have Their Advantages

"Singletons" understand that they are very important to their mom and dad. They have the full advantage of their parents' attention and income. They seem to have higher intelligence and levels of success. For instance, when they sit down at a meal, they are not having childish conversations with siblings, their having intelligent conversations with their folks.

Parents of “Onlies” Need to Beware

Parents need to be sure their only child is socialized at an early age. "Onlies" don't have siblings to work out a lot of interaction problems, so playdates, pre-schooling, and having other moms and dads hanging around with their kids are a big help. Parents should be sure that they themselves have plenty of interests and friends; the only child shouldn't become the defining point of who a parent is. Parents shouldn't smother the child or put the child in a bubble.

Many Successful Only Children

While things aren't exactly set against them, many do quite well in spite of being “onlies,” as examples: Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt, Lillian Hellman, Frank Sinatra, Lauren Bacall, Cole Porter, Robin Williams, Barbra Streisand, Condoleezza Rice, Jean Paul Sartre, Elvis Presley, John Updike, and the list could go on for pages.

Some Nifty Comebacks for Parents

For parents who are tired of the constant, sometimes rude, questions about their only son or daughter, here are some nifty, and humorous, retorts.

When is Jacob going to get a baby brother?
Distraction: Where are you guys going on vacation this year?
Wisecrack: As soon as you get some manners.
Polite: He's not. We only want one child.

Why would you only want one child?
Distraction: Are those new shoes?
Wisecrack: The dog is jealous enough as it is.
Polite: It's a family decision that seems right for us.

Don't you think Hannah will be lonely without a sister or brother?
Distraction: Pardon me; I think my cell phone is ringing.
Wisecrack: No, the voices in her head seem to keep her company.
Polite: She has lots of friends and classmates.

Is something wrong that you can't have any more?
Distraction: Is your son eating dirt over there? Oh no, my mistake.
Wisecrack: We lost the directions and can't figure out how!
Polite: No, it's simply a family decision.

Watch out, it's easy to spoil only children.
Distraction: Is is hot in here?
Wisecrack: Is that what happened to you?
Polite: We'll keep that in mind.

(These comments are courtesy of Squidoo's web pages for only children. Another good website for “onlies” and their parents is Onlychild.com.)