The Later Years of Love

Changing Times

Seasoned folks face the prospect of an empty nest, the workaday world quietly put away, and the next part of their adventure in life. More than at any other phase in their lives, a couple will have time to spend with each other – jobs, children, and all those entail being gone. Just as financial considerations need to be worked out for the time beyond retirement, relationship considerations need to be addressed, too.

You and your partner need to sit down and have a conversation or two. These conversations will take some time, plenty of honesty, and, above all, the willingness to listen. These talks will help both of you realize the future that you both dreamed about, that it looks and feels like what you both have come to expect. Before you sit down with your significant other, go over the following list. You might hand the list to your partner as well. That way you will both have had time to mull over some of these considerations that are so important for you future together, as retirement starts to change your lives so significantly.

Your Partner's Worth

This is a tough one. You two have spent time together facing the challenges of work, family, and finances; the years have whizzed by. But, have you ever sat down and figured out just what your loved one means to you? What aspect of your relationship do you appreciate most today? What are the qualities of the other that you appreciate? Don't focus solely on personality or emotions. Think about concrete things, too: The way they handle problems. Outings or hobbies you enjoy together. The way you complement each other in social situations – if you're the quiet type and he the extrovert, or vice versa.

And don't forget the little things: How she leaves a kiss on the mirror in the morning; the endearing way he laughs. These are all important things you should consider as you take stock of how you enjoy your time together. And even little annoying things are worth appreciating. Does she cut the crusts off her bread? Does he sing too loudly in the shower? Remember, you're both only human – and you just happen to be in love.

Making Fantasies Realities

Over the years, you've both had time to fantasize about how your retirement years would be. Sure, you need to iron out whether you'll be traveling, or devoting you extra time to a charity or service organization, or simply fixing up the house and enjoying the company of friends and relatives. But how are you going to feel about fitting your partner into those fantasies? Indeed, how much a part of your dreams has your partner really occupied? Both of you need to figure out what your hopes and dreams are regarding companionship, emotional connections, and sex – yes, even sex.

Facing Fear Together

Life is full of unknowns. We aren't really human if sometimes we don't feel overwhelmed by the cards naturally stacked against us; if we don't spend a few sleepless nights tossing and turning, worried about what will be. Assess those fears. Write them down. What scares you most about life at this crucial juncture called retirement? Get the concrete fears nailed down – finances, health, and such. But also focus on your significant other. Are you afraid he or she won't fit in – or indeed, won't want to fit in, to your retirement dreams? Are there any troubles regarding your relationship that bother you now? How do you see those troubles getting sorted out as the retirement years pass?

A Creation of Two

Once you do sit down and discuss the items above, have you found that your fantasies or expectations don't match? So, what's next? You could, conceivably, call it quits. If that looks to be the only answer, please consider couples therapy. You may still be able to work things out. You have both invested a lot in each other – time, energy, love, meeting goals together – why throw all that away? Even if your plans diverge just a little, you both need to be creative and flexible. You can figure out a way to travel happily along through your retirement years with a little give and take. You just need to acknowledge the strengths you both bring to the partnership and dwell on those as you make your plans together.

The most important thing, for most of us anyway, is not to take each other for granted. You've been together a long time and probably are used to running your lives on auto-pilot. Stop. Think about what you mean together now and forever. Hold hands, and once again, just as you did in the beginning, face the uncertain, though promising, future together.