I Can't Get No Satisfaction! Scream!

Has somebody taken your money and not provided what you were led to expect? Are they giving you the run-around? Does it seem like every person (or thing) you've spoken to can't provide answers, or shoves you to the next person (or thing) down the line, so you experience even more dissatisfaction and frustration? Well, just start screaming. Really.Scream!

Okay … not really. Screaming really only works in one situation, but for two reasons. The situation is confrontation with the arduous phone tree and its robo-reps. You know the drill: “For this … press 4. For that … press 7.” Ad infinitum. Start screaming. Start hurling any and all invectives at the robo-rep and do it loudly. Expletives allowed! First, screaming will unload a lot of emotion and it just feels good. Also, it will probably prompt the robo-rep to acquiesce, to say something to the effect of, “I see you need more help.” and put you on a line to a human. And, having screamed your lungs out for a few moments, you'll be far more able to deal with a human. Another way to get past the robo-reps is to keep punching the “O” on your phone. The harder you punch, the more often you punch, the better it feels. Often, the system, not programmed for such an assault, will shunt you to a human.

File a Lawsuit!

Consider the amount of restitution you feel is owed you – include mental and physical distress, as well as inconvenience – and file a legal civil complaint. There is usually a filing fee and other costs, but once the scofflaw gets a summons, he's usually ready to talk so that charges against him are dropped. Unless your claims are completely bogus, you're probably going to get what you think is fair, and then some, for your trouble.

Take a Picture!

You've got a cell-phone. It's got a camera. That is evidence just a finger tip away. That can work at a hotel when asked about your stay. Take a picture of the ring around the tub. Did you get a bad batch of peonies and petunias on your birthday? Take a picture and send it to your well-wisher, or take it to the florist that delivered the goods. Your cell camera can back you up in so many ways when you've been wronged. (As an aside: Use your cell camera to take pictures of certain situations in your home that you want fixed. This will help you and the sales person when you do your home improvement shopping. Or when you approach your landlord for repairs.)

Use Your Credit Card!

Call your credit card company, tell them what has happened. The charges will at least be delayed until the matter is resolved. That right there is often enough to let the business you're dealing with know that you mean business. Most credit card companies are amenable to this, American Express is especially good.

Ask a Simple Question!

“What would you do if you were in my place?” If you're talking to a minion (or a moron) and can't get past them, pose that question. You may get past them, if not, you might pick up some information that will help you get satisfaction. Also, the question tends to humanize the situation and brings the person you're dealing with to have a little empathy.

Stall!

Back to the phone, only this time, you've got a human on the line. A number of things are happening here: Most call centers will deal with customer service reps in a pretty severe manner if they ever hang up on a caller. Most reps are expected to get through a certain number of calls an hour. So, stay on the phone, keep telling the rep how dissatisfied you are. Keep saying you don't want to end the call because of your dissatisfaction. Eventually, the rep will give in and at least get you to another person, most likely a supervisor or manager, who may be better equipped to solve your dilemma.

Call the CEO or Business Owner!

Use Hoovers.com or Google up the business to find the name and phone number of the CEO or owner. Call the number, but don't ask to speak directly to the CEO or owner, ask to speak to the office of so-and-so. Asking to speak directly usually gets you branded as a crank from the get-go. You'll probably only get an executive assistant, or a secretary or receptionist closer to the owner, but that's often enough. Explain why you're calling and ask for suggestions on what you should do next. More often than not, you'll get someone more able to help you, if for no other reason than to keep the boss himself from getting steamed up.

Write the Executive Office or the Owner!
This route is a lot of fun. Especially if you a rather adept a writing. If you're not, get a friend who is. Don't target just the CEO, copy the letter to a number of executives, including the chief auditor, and other likely targets. For intensity, send the letter registered through the postal service to ensure someone has to actually sign for it. Pepper the prose with words such as “fraud” and “dissatisfaction” and “word-of-mouth” and “consumer satisfaction”. You might want to make note that copies of the letter have been sent to the appropriate governmental or quasi-governmental agencies – the Better Business Bureau or the Federal Trade Commission, for instance.

Pull the Manager or Owner Aside!

This works quite well in restaurants and hotels. Right off the bat there is the hint that something's not quite right. And the manager/owner is relieved that you won't be screaming at him in front of other quests. Curl your finger at the person and pull them into a lobby or a side hall.Then, very slowly and methodically explain what has happened and what sort of negative impact that has had on yourself and your guests. Should the manager ask, after you've given your account, what he should do to make things right, answer, “I'm not sure.” Then, start the discourse again, enumerating the flaws and their impact. When the manager asks again what to do; answer as you did the first time, “I don't know.” Repeat this strategy until the manager finally offers a solution. Since he's weary of the game, it will usually be far more than you would have expected.

Don't Give Up When You Have Been Wronged!

Many people haven't a clue as to what to do when they've been cheated or treated poorly. They just slink off feeling badly. They believe themselves helpless. The fact is, just asserting yourself, even if only a little, will usually earn you some redress. And everyone should be aware of the strategies above and employ them in applicable situations. They do work.

These suggestions are focused for American consumers. In more civilized parts of the globe, citizens should have better, or at least equal, forms of redress for consumer dissatisfaction. A little translation is all that's required.